Confessions
by SlightlyBlondeChix
Summary: That's when I realized it. I had totally and completely fallen in love with the Exorcist. He held my heart over my head. He controlled me. I lost my power over him to him. He had made me into the very thing I tried so hard to eradicate. He made me human.
1. The Accident

Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray-Man. Shocker. Rated T for violence. I may change that to M in the near future if need be. I also may change the title. Thanks Grell for helping with editing!

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My name is Road Kamelot and I am a Noah. This is my confession.

When I was young, I lived with my mother and my father in a quiet little home in England. My father died when I was ten years old. My mother had been absolutely in love with him when he died in an accident. Although she knew I was involved with his death, she never mentioned it or tried to talk me through it.

I knew from the beginning that I was different than the other children in my school. At first it was little things, like the fact that I never seemed to get sick with colds or the flu. Then a strange incident occurred.

I was always a hard child to manage due to the fact that I was, and still am, easily bored. While walking home from school with my friend Robert one day, something caught me eye. I ran off to check it out, and because I was so focused, I failed to notice a carriage traveling down the cobbled path. Because I darted out, the horses pulling the carriage became spooked and ran towards me. Robert, upon seeing the imminent collision, rushed to my aide, but it was too late. The carriage had already run me over, and the horses trampled over my petite frame. It was clear from the pool of blood seeping all over the cobblestone road that I was already dead.

I knew the carriage was going to hit me. Maybe, out of a twisted sense of curiosity, I had even wanted it to. In those few moments before the collision, deep down I somehow knew I had the ability to get away from it, but I chose not to. I still don't know why. Maybe I just had to prove to myself that the ideas I had been building up in my head for years were but false imaginings of a young mind. Maybe I wanted to prove to myself that I was normal, human, breakable.

It did not hurt when the carriage hit me. Something buried instinct within told me it would not. I saw my blood and the broken remains of my body, but I did not scream or cry. Blood had never troubled me, even from the time when I understood its implications of danger or death. Here now, I was fascinated. I saw the life starting to pour out of my childish corpse, and I laughed. I laughed, not aloud, but within the centers of my own mind. Robert rushed towards me, but upon seeing the bones poking out of my pale skin and the mangled innards spilling out of my frame, he turned and vomited. I knew he was weak and human, but I had no idea he would be so faint at the sight of the red liquid now oozing from my skin.

To me, however, even in the state I was in, I knew I was not dead, nor would I die. Men carried my corpse, shrouded in a blanket, from the scene and took me to my mother. During this time, I did not say one word, or make one noise. I just internally laughed at the concept that they thought I could be, or was even, dead. I could already feel my bones sinking back through my skin, and blood starting to flow anew through my veins. I was going to be fine. The men carrying me gave their condolences and left my mother's home. My father, often away due to his job, was not home at this time. My mother had not the courage to take the cover off of my dead body.

Our servant called a doctor, and my mother was quaking with tears by the time he arrived to absolutely pronounce me dead. When he pulled of the coverlet, he received a nasty shock; I sat up and smiled at him. There was blood matted on every inch of my body, but my bones were set properly and my bruises and swollen injuries were all gone. Save for the blood, it appeared that I had not even been hurt in the first place. My mother initially stepped back in surprise, but after a second I saw a look of what may have been understanding flash across her youthful face. She then resumed the look of awe.

A miracle. She told the doctor it was a miracle. She slipped him something hidden within in her blouse and told him never to speak of it again. I didn't go back to school, nor did I leave the house to tell Robert I was alright. We moved the next week. At first, I was upset to leave Robert, but then I remembered his face as he wiped the bile from it. He was too weak. He was too fragile. He was too human.

My mother had known from the start that I was not a normal baby. She knew that I had issues. She knew that I would never continue the normal lifestyle that she worked so hard to provide for me. She knew that I killed my father. She knew what I was but what she could not name. She knew that I was a Noah.

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This is my first attempt at a fic, so comments will be nice. I will post the second chapter shortly. Yes, I know Allen has not shown up yet, but believe me, he will.


	2. Father

Disclaimer: I still do not own D. Gray-Man. How shocking is that? Again, I may change the title and rating in the near future, but for right now, they remain. Thanks to Grell for edits!

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My life was not one of difficulty or even anything close to that. I lived a relatively privileged life from the time I was born. I was pampered and coddled over by every adult who happened to be near me. They automatically assumed that an innocent exterior was equivalent to an innocent interior. I was born in a body that made me cute and lovable, so I always seemed to get my way. While most children whine and fuss to get their desires, I just gave one look and I had my way. Adults with toys and children with candy were attracted to me like bees to wildflowers. I never had to struggle for anything I wanted. It was soon after that I realized that the projection of my manipulation extended to reality as well.

It really started when I was ten. I was a happy child along with the other school children. Some of our fathers worked together at the Black Order, and since we, as family members, could not live with them at the headquarters, we never needed to move to accommodate them. My classmates and I remained side by side for the majority of our young lives. It was at ten though that my true nature began to infringe upon my cheerful childhood.

I had already become a con-artist, scamming classmates out of their precious belongings using my elfin charm and laughter. As already stated, I met no struggles nor knew what desire, the kind so deep the heart nearly bursts with need, truly was. It was the awakening of desire that led me to discover how to bend reality.

Being a restless child, I always seemed to find the most joy in the outdoors. I needed constant stimulation to keep me from annoying my parents and servants. I often played with the boys of the neighborhood because the girls were always too dainty and fragile to go near. I needed people who could take rough play without running home sobbing. The day my first abnormal power appeared, it rained so hard that even a tough girl like me could not possibly go out.

I played for a while with my dolls, but soon grew bored with that. I chased around the servants, trying to play with them, but they all shooed me away and told me to be more mannerly and feminine, to take up crochet or something of the like. I tried my mother, but she was too absorbed in her work and shoved me out the door. My father, the one person who always took the time to shower me with attention whenever possible, was once again living at the Order, so I once again retreated to my bedroom, wrought with childish anger and frustration. My mind was filled with petty thoughts of dejection and abandonment. Without realizing it, my downtrodden mood was leading to bizarre physical occurrences. When I shut the door and turned around, I noticed my room was no longer my room. It had seemed to morph into something different, something more like the fantasies tucked away in my brain.

My room had become a playground, a paradise of everything I had so vainly wished for. There were games and stimulants as far as I could see. The world itself seemed to have submitted to my will. I played for hours in the haven conjured by my mind. I told no one of this for fear of being told to take up knitting to squelch my wild imagination. I slowly began retreating more into myself than ever before and became more detached from my family and friends. I became an introvert. Although my mother seemed blind to my change, my father took more notice of it and began to study me.

I knew he watched me. I often felt his cautious gaze on me at the dinner table and his eyes on me even when he was not in sight. I had always respected and admired him, but now I began to grow wary of his never-ending scrutiny. In each glance I felt his heart sink in the realization of every one of his fears. He knew what I was becoming, and on some instinctual level, so did I. My own reality was becoming more dominant each passing day. I stopped socializing with my friends and retreated more into my own world. I became quiet and passive, no longer the girl who hung out with the boys. The servants were pleased that I no longer bothered them, figuring I had taken their advise to take up a more ladylike form of entertainment. Only my father seemed to be worried about my new behavior.

Suspicious of the talks my father was beginning to have with my mother, I followed him into his office. Because of my newfound ability to manipulate reality, I found it laughably easy to remain undetected.

"Tricia, the Noah in her is gaining strength every day. I see it in the way she talks and acts, even in the very way she moves! We have to do something to stop this. She will go out of control, and we will not be able to do anything to stop it. I've known about this occurring a long time ago, and we cannot and will not let it reincarnate itself in our own beloved daughter!"

My mother, usually quiet and demure, spoke up.

"If it happens, it will happen. We cannot go against nature or the rules of the universe. If Road was chosen for a purpose, then we damn well will let her serve that purpose!"

"We cannot sit back like dolls while the master puppeteer works his plan, Tricia. This is evil. I, as a supporter of the Order, and you, as a human, must put an end to the Earl's plans!"

My mother sunk back in her chair as my father furiously stood up. He rubbed his hand over his forehead and said, with as much composure as he could muster, "Tricia, I love you, but I cannot let you leave Road to this monster of a being. He will manipulate all of us and leave us to die. I cannot allow for that to happen. I love both of you too much".

Calmly, my mother replied, "I have seen him. I have seen the Earl you so fear and despise. I have seen his huge grin and his kindness, and I know now that it is not he who deceives, but you. He warned of your lies and the lies of this Black Order which you so cherish. I was against you joining the Order in the first place, and now I know you have lied to me since the beginning of our marriage!"

I almost gasped at the mention of an Earl with a large grin, but I was able to hold it back. Tormenting me for months had been the image of a tall, hat-wearing figure telling me to embrace my true nature, my true being. All at once, I knew everything my father stood for was a lie. I trusted the tall Earl and his everlasting grin. I knew I was not as crazy as I had once thought when my mother mentioned him as well. My father was the crazy one.

"Tricia, I am going to take Road with me to a safe place where the Earl cannot manipulate you any longer, nor begin to trick her. You can try to stop me, or you can come with me."

I had heard enough. At that moment I came out of my own dimension to become visible to my parents. At this time, tears of betrayal were flowing unobstructed down my face.

I felt unadulterated hatred coarse through my veins towards the man I had once so eagerly adored. I shouted with all the disgust in my heart, "No! You lie! The Earl is love and kindness, and you want to take it away from me! You cannot! It is hard to keep my nature inside of me, and it is tearing me apart! The Earl promises me that I won't have to keep it locked away forever, and that I will be free from the pain I feel constantly!"

With that I used my candles for the first time. They effortlessly materialized as if they were especially made for my anger at moments like this. Without another thought, I aimed and shot them at my dear father. He crumpled to the ground with a sickening crunch. All his blood pored from the gashes now covering the majority of what could maybe be called a body.

There was no thought. Only action. I felt no remorse or disgust for what I had just done. Instead I went over to his body and tasted the saltiness coming from the wounds. My mother stood by and watched helplessly as I mercilessly laughed. I ran off and retreated further within my self than I had ever previously done.

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Reviews are lovely, so please read and review! Thanks for those of you who've read it! Again, Allen has not shown up yet, but he will. I just wanted to breathe life into Road.


	3. New World

Disclaimer: I OWN D. Gray-Man! Just kidding! I don't. Surprising... Thanks again to Grell for the edits! You are amazing!

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My mother tried for ages to bring me out of my almost comatose state to little avail. I was constantly trapped inside my own head, and ensnared by my own bizarre thoughts. I was eventually left alone to brood. I did not respond to the outside world, but I did conscientiously take note of all occurrences around me. While my mother was convinced that I had no cognizant thought, nor would I until my Noah side awakened fully, I saw every one of her glances, and her looks of approval. I knew then I was forgiven, and even admired. She would have been the murderer had I not been the one to slay my own father.

As time drew on, I was slowly becoming more active and began to leave my room for short periods of time. I never bothered to attend my new school on account of a serious illness, or so my ignorant classmates believed. Every time I looked in the mirror I saw, not myself, but the sunken hollows of once youthful cheeks and eyes glinting with the feral emotions of a psychopath.

One night a pain I had never thought possible shattered my world. So intense was this agony that it seemed I had never truly felt pain, and due to the shear acuteness of what I was experiencing, I thought I was in Hell. Every inch of my body burned excruciatingly and my breath refused to come. I screamed in bloodcurdling agony, but the action gave me no reprieve from the sensations I was feeling. I slipped on the edge of unconsciousness and stumbled into a black world. For once, I did not create my reality, but rather let something else fill in the emptiness.

The Millennium Earl appeared in my every thought. He monopolized my black world with images of his smiling face and his tall hat. He never said a word, but he was always there, whether I was fully aware of his presence or only partially so.

When I awoke from my state after days of suffering, I was pain-free and had never felt so lively. It was as if I had been reborn, or was never truly alive to begin with. When I saw my image reflected, the first things I noticed were my previously dark eyes; they were an evil, sickly shade of yellow. I loved them. My hair was now purple and had begun to spike up jaggedly, whereas it had once been so sleek and straight. A halo of markings ran across my forehead similar in design to the crosses I had seen in church. My once-pale skin was now an inhuman shade of gray. I looked at my reflection and smiled. My outward appearance was now equal to my twisted inside.

When I turned from the mirror, although startled, I was not shocked to see a large figure looming behind me.

"Hello, Millennium Earl. I have been expecting you. I already know who you are, but I still want answers. What exactly happened to me?"

"My, my Road. Quick to get to the point, I see. Very well then. As you seem to know, I am the Millennium Earl, Adam, the First Disciple of Noah. You are Road, the Ninth Disciple of Noah. You may have heard of Noah due to your father's previous occupation, I presume." At this remark, the Earl laughed. I smirked and looked away.

"Indeed, I have. The Noah are despicable creatures who are not fit to be human, are they not?" I had listened to my father berate me for many years on the dangers of the Noah. As a member of the Order, he had been eager to indoctrinate my young mind to see the Earl, the legendary Noah, and the Akuma as evil monstrosities.

He shrugged at my bluntness. "To some. But to others who know the way of truth, we are justice brought to a twisted world."

With that, the Earl told me the true tale of the Akuma, the creatures used to purge the world of weak humans. I was enthralled and delighted that I was not the only one who believed that there were those select few who were better than normal humans. For once I was in my own company. I trusted the Earl with my whole self and was ready to do anything for him in that moment. I had no idea where these powerful feelings had suddenly come from, but they seemed to stem from my very soul itself.

We left the house of my mother to travel to the Noah's Ark. Everything I saw during my time with the Earl was simply incredible. I wanted badly to be a part of this new world. I soon began alternating my time between the house of my past and my new life. Not too long after I had become a Noah, the Earl became aware of other Noah's awakenings. Our time was coming.

A year later, Cyril Kamelot was the second to be awakened. My mother, husband-less and knowledgeable, became instantly smitten with him. Understanding the attraction to him, Cyril, known womanizer, asked her to marry him. My mother understood that his proposal was only due to the fact that I was a Noah myself, but she still gladly accepted. With this, I became Road Kamelot.

Tyki Mikk, my new dad's younger brother, soon followed his brother's example. What had once been only mine and the Earl's became a family of four. I came to love my Uncle's bum-business ways, and began to see Cyril as more of a father than I had viewed my birth father. I loved being a Noah; I loved having that power, and perhaps most importantly, I learned to despise the weak human race even more than I already did.

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Thank you for reviewing the story and reading it! I truly appreciate all the support! If anyone has any ideas about where I should go from here, feel free to throw it out there! Thank you again!


	4. Boredom

Once again, I do not own -Man. Sorry for the really long wait! Life just caught up on me. Thanks so much to Grell and Madam Red for the edits! Love you guys!

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Boredom. I became accustomed to this petty feeling over my next several decades living among the conflicting worlds of humans and Noah. As I had stopped aging, I seemed to be stuck at the stage of trite emotions, and the need to find some new way to get in trouble was ever present. Seeing as I was a Noah and bound to find a way to harm one group or another, I decided not to control my feral instincts to maim and slaughter, but rather to seek out new sources of what I perceived to be entertainment.

Although the Earl was fun to be around in the beginning, he soon became enveloped in the task of honing the skills of the newer Noah who were appearing and building up a large army of Akuma. In light of this, it became a new habit of mine to steal his toy, the talking golem, Lero, and take it on adventures of my choosing, much to the obvious dismay of the umbrella.

Out of the sheer need to find some activity to stave off the utter monotony of my life, I decided one day to follow a few of the Earl's pet Akuma to some irrelevant German town. I had already gathered that this was a place where Innocence was suspected to be hidden. There was no reason for me to be there at all; the Earl had not ordered me to go. He had no suspicions that anything there might be more dangerous than usual, and figured it to be a waste of time for a Noah to attend, but despite this, I decided to go anyway. I figured that it would be fun to screw around with some human minds.

The Akuma were already in place to take control of the Innocence and keep the Exorcists at bay before I arrived. Sadly though, because Akuma are born from the emotional instability of particularly weak humans, it would seem they are just as stupid as them, or possibly even more so. I came into the town only to find them arguing over what to do with some scrawny new Exorcist boy.

Needless to say, I was pissed. How could they forget their assigned duty and goof off like that? It is not hard to find ways to torture Exorcists; an Akuma should just do whatever comes to mind first! Angered that the incompetent Akuma had decided to go after an Exorcist instead of obeying the direct orders of the Earl, I called them off of the white-haired boy that they were about to fool around with. I would have a nice long chat with them later.

For some reason, though, upon looking at him, the boy annoyed me more than he should have. He seemed like one more pest that I would have to deal with. Then again, maybe that would bring some change to the repetitiveness of daily life. He could be fun to mess with! With that, I began to dream up ways I could torment him, and my mood greatly improved.  
I started studying the boy's every move. I saw that he was hanging out with two other women, one of which began to make my blood boil as soon as I laid my eyes on her. She wasn't even a woman, just an unsightly young girl! She practically clung to the side of the strange white-haired boy and seemed utterly useless. I began to calculate various ways to torture her as much as possible.

Soon thereafter, I realized that the second woman, not wearing a Black Order uniform, must be involved with the Innocence somehow. Otherwise, there would be no other reason for the Exorcists to be around her. As I was watching the weak Exorcists from above, I noticed time began to swirl around me. I was sitting next to one of the Earl's pet Akuma, and he then piped up with nervous, nearly off-putting respect, "M-m-mistress Road, should we really leave the Exorcists alone? With Innocence as strong as that, is that really a good idea?"

Annoyed by his blatant disregard to my authority, I struck his head hard enough to crack what could be considered a skull of sorts in regards to the Akuma's anatomy. As I licked the poisonous blood seeping from the fracture in his head, I replied with my trademark sickeningly sweet tone, "Let's watch them play the game for us until we get our hands on the Innocence, sound good?"

The Akuma did not bother with a cohesive reply save for the quick nod of what was left of his multi-sided head.  
As I watched the Trio of Friends (as I sarcastically called them), I deduced that the older woman, the non-Exorcist, was clumsy and feeble-minded. She would be easy to get information out of. I knew her type all too well. She was the kind of person who tried so hard in every aspect of life yet always seemed to fail miserably. She was the type who would be the most easy to manipulate.

The Trio of Friends soon went to work at a street carnival, which I, of course, sportingly decided to attend. I had not yet physically revealed myself to anyone in the group, so they had no way of knowing my intentions. I would use this opportunity to garner more information out of the weakest of the weaklings.

I set up a scenario in which I could lure the white-haired boy and his stupid, useless lackey of a girl away from the runt of the litter. I knew from quick observation that the boy was the kind of person who would stop at nothing to help another, even if it meant disregarding the obvious signs of a trap and thereby risking his life. Well, I wouldn't cause him to risk his life. At least not yet.

I approached the boy, posing as nothing more than a curious young girl, and asked him about the show he was selling tickets for. Expecting to be disgusted by yet another weak Exorcist playing hero, I was shocked to find myself suddenly dizzied in his presence. It confused me in ways I could not describe. The only other time I had ever felt this sensation was when I first met the other Noah.

I was a bit unsettled near him. It was a feeling so slight and whimsical, I could almost brush it aside, and yet it persisted. He was staring at me with those big, gray eyes, and seemed entirely oblivious to the fact that I could slaughter him in an instant. Was he really so stupid? Weren't exorcists supposed to have some sense of wariness? However, I still found myself interested, almost captivated, by his odd complacency. I nearly felt tempted to ask his name…  
I shook my head quickly and disregarded it as a slight imbalance. I must be hungry, I thought to myself. Surely it must be this, for I had not eaten anything since dinner the previous night, except for my lollypop, which I still held in my hand.

Although these thoughts went through my head, I let none of them stray to my face for fear that it might give away my plan, or merely the fact that something was out of place with me, causing the white-haired freak to be on his guard.

Proceeding with the plan I had originally set before my slight distraction, I sent a secret signal to one of the disguised Akuma, who then conspicuously swiped the money right out of the hands of the non-Exorcist woman. I disappeared from the boy's line of sight. He and the annoying girl went after the "thief" while I got a chance to listen from the shadows as the pathetic woman ranted on about her latest failure of the day. I leaned close enough to make out just the words I wanted to hear, "Why does my clock have to be the Innocence?"

I was ecstatic. This was too easy! Gleeful of what I just heard, I casually strolled towards her and cloyingly whispered, "So your clock is the Innocence. How interesting."

With that, I transported her to my dimension, and went to what I knew to be her apartment. With her own blood, I stained the wall with mocking words towards the Exorcists that I had so quickly learned to despise. In a split-second decision, rather than to bring the girl whom I loathed so incredibly deeply into the equation, I decided to leave her out and address a message to only the white-haired boy, who confused me like no other had before him. I wrote:

"Thank you, Exorcist!"

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And here we finally see Allen! Yesss! Thanks for the reviews for the chapters and please keep it up! Hopefully the next chapter will not take over 5 months... .


	5. Calm Sadism

D. Gray-Man is still owned by Katsura Hoshino and not me. Please support the official release. I am sorry for such a long wait on this chapter, but I am really thankful for everyone who continues to read, comment, and favorite this story. It means so much to me. Thank you very, very, very much Grell for editing yet another chapter. I truly appreciate it, my dear. 3

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"Please don't do this! Please let me go! I'm begging you! Let me live!" The desperate, disjointed cries of the weak woman were rising in pitch. "I want to live! This isn't my fault! Let me go!"

"I will let you go once you're dead," my words sounded sharp even to me, who was nothing if not callous.

The woman continued to whimper, which rang deep in my ears and tried what little patience I had. Continuing upon my previous task, I worked on improving the other ditzy girl's looks. It was only fair that she should meet her end with style. I was making her into a gothic princess. It was truly an honor for such a pathetic girl that in her final moments she would be emulating my own tastes. I knew if the white-haired boy saw her this way, he would break down, seeing as he was enamored with innocence, in more ways than one. Eventually, though, I grew tired of playing with both worthless girls' minds, I decided to finally introduce the last pawn to my little world.

In order to ensnare the confusing boy in my reality, the instant I saw him materialize, I nailed his Innocence to the wall with my candles. This of course would work because his power stemmed from his left arm; his greatest strength, and his greatest weakness. He'd be in for a lovely surprise when he awoke.

Then his eyes fluttered open, and there it was: the glance up and down my body, sizing me up, discovering who I was. I would be lying if I said I didn't get a thrill about him staring at my Exorcist-uniformed body. I wore it for just this purpose: to shock and to mystify. I wanted him to be as baffled about my identity as I initially was about his. And I wanted to hurt him.

"What are you? Why are you with the Akuma? " he screamed after a few moments of shocked silence.

"Would you die of astonishment if I told you I was human?" I sadistically teased. "Would that just blow your mind?"

In one swift motion, the boy tore his arm from the wall, startling me, but not surprising me in the least.

"Tsk, tsk! Why so angry, Exorcist? Weapons are made by humans to kill other humans, after all. So why are you so shocked that I, a human, could be working with the Akuma? Never thought of that, huh?"

I was greatly amused and feeling gleefully vicious at that moment. I wanted to toy with this Exorcist, to use him as my plaything to stave off the boredom that pervaded every minute of my life. So I hugged him. I pulled him into a tight embrace. Mocking. Sadistic. Loving. I felt a whirl of emotions fly through my adolescent mind as our bodies touched. From that moment on, no matter how illogical and duplicitous it was, I knew I was a goner for that white-haired boy.

"I'm human. Feel my heartbeat. Feel it pounding in my chest. It's the same as yours. Why is it so hard to believe? I'm warm, just like you."

Through my heightened senses, I felt the boy's Innocence move behind me. Menacingly. I knew it was his intent to kill me. He held his arm at my back, wavering for a moment as he debated whether or not to go through it. The impulse, however, ran its course quickly, and he simply could not follow through on it. I then took action.

Still in a daze of confused and mixed-up emotions, I jerked his arm towards my face to show him just what I, as a Noah, was capable of. He gasped, not expecting my move as the skin, muscles, and bones of my face were blown to pieces.

I pulled myself closer to display my face to him, or rather, what was left of it.

"I may be human, but I am not like you. I am better than you. I am far superior to your weak Exorcist nature. I am a Noah, one of God's true chosen ones!"

"You aren't one of God's creatures," the boy spat with utter disgust. "You're one of the Devil's."

I laughed at him, calmly, sadistically. He was so ignorant, so ill-informed. Could his 'God' heal him from injury? Surely not as quickly as my face had just regenerated. I was certain of the fact that I truly was one of the _real_ God's disciples.

So I did the only thing I could do in that situation. I stabbed him. I was overcome with zealous fury and pride. That he could disrespect God and everything we Noah stood for was a heretical rebellion against divine order. I embedded one of my candles into his scarred eye and twisted it until he screamed. His cries were delicious. I shivered in delight as I heard the delectable sound.

I needed to find out what he was made of. I licked the candle, covered in his beautiful ruby blood, and tasted the bitterness which had come out of him. I knew him now, wholly and completely.

I turned from him. It was time to move on and get going with my original task, which had only slightly involved him. I needed to give myself a break from this boy who had so bound me with his mystifying nature.

"Now to 'release' this worthless woman."

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Ooo! Here's more of Road and Allen action. But we still don't know his name yet. That's soon to come. I believe I will deviate soon from the storyline of the manga to go more with my own story. But then again, I may not. I don't actually know what I'm going to write until I begin writing. Suggestions would be great, and I respond to every comment made! Thank you so much for reading it!


	6. A Shift of Power

Breaking News: I do not have the rights to D. Gray-Man. They are owned by Katsura Hoshino. Please support the official release. Once again, many, many, MANY thanks to the absolutely wonderful Grell. I really appreciate all the work you've done helping me with this story and reading it along the way. Thank you for the hours spent planning it with me. :D

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Happy Birthday Road! We all love you! 06/20/11 :3

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The woman whimpered in a shameful, mortifying manner. I wanted her to beg for life. I wanted her to see death at her doorstep and cry out for mercy. But most of all, I wanted to be in control.

My entire life has been a mash up of circumstances completely out of my control. What I desired now most was total power over something else, anything in my life. I wished to be the maker of my own destiny. I decided to take charge, but of course, as it is with most lives, the unexpected is to be expected.

A casual observer to this situation would undoubtedly deduce that at that particular moment, the most unlikely occurrence was that the woman whom I thought to be utterly useless would suddenly develop a power of her very own. However, as it is ironic law that the worst possible scenario is in reality the most likely, she and her Innocence chose that moment to become more closely acquainted. Although broken, she suddenly conjured a force-field within my own private realm.

Within that zone of hers it was as though time had reverted back to a moment before I had played with the three of them. The ditzy girl snapped out of her unconsciousness, the white-haired Exorcist's eye was no longer missing, his arm was no longer damaged, and the former non-Exorcist was now powerful and dangerous. Now facing three Exorcists, all conscious and fully-functioning, I was going to have a difficult time maintaining my grip on the situation. I was shocked more deeply than I cared to admit, and struggled to retain my composure.

"Now, allow us to introduce ourselves. I am Allen Walker, cursed. This is Lenalee Lee, combat expert, and here we have Miranda Lotto, Exorcist. And you are Road, sorry I don't know your last name, but Devil's accomplice, none the less."

I was too stunned to retort back. He knew my name. He knew me. Sure, he didn't get my actual job, or what exactly I was fighting for, but he had heard of _me_. And now I had a name to put with his face and his hair.

Slowly collecting my thoughts, I internally gasped. I had heard that name before. I knew this boy! The Earl had mentioned a boy who had escaped death. A cursed boy. This was him. I spelled out his name, _A-L-L-E-N_, in the air above him.

"Ah! The infamous Allen Walker! You turned your own father into an Akuma, and then were cursed by him. I've wanted to get to know you for a long time, Exorcist. You intrigue me. And now we have a chance to play together!" I turned to one of my scared-looking toys. "You, Akuma, self-destruct."

"What are you doing?" asked the boy Exorcist, intrigued.

"You can't save the souls of the Akuma that do not die at the hands of Innocence," I replied as spitefully as possible. I wanted to see his pain. I wanted to hurt him, as he had the Earl, and now me.

Without giving it a moment's thought, he leapt forward to kill the Akuma before it could complete its last assignment. My gleeful anticipation of their deaths was practically overflowing. My exhilaration was cut short, though, when that dumb _Lenalee_, pulled him back. I was crushingly disappointed. I wanted to see if he could actually go through with it. While I wanted to see him lose, I also, deep inside, wanted him to win.

It was then that he started crying. He sat on the floor which I had manufactured, and sobbed. It was as if he had never seen anything die before, the fool. I walked over to "comfort" him, and wrapped myself around him. We sat like that for a while; the other two girls were too confused to do anything.

As I started to move from him, I felt something comparable only to a fleshy gun barrel pressed up to my back. The next thing I knew, a sharp pain unlike any other I had known burst into my senses. I felt air licking the exposed muscles of my back. Blood was pouring generously from the sudden, gaping hole, running down my new dress. Although I knew the pain would not last long, I writhed. I did not scream, but my breaths were shallow difficult to muster. I thought I would die.

Even through my pain, I realized I shouldn't, _couldn't_ die. It was an absolute impossibility. I could not be killed unless my true form was known. And I wasn't going to reveal that any time soon. But, I wasn't healing. I could only lie there helplessly.

I continued to writhe in pain for a few moments longer, as the Exorcists overlooked, helpless. Finally the boy, Allen, took me in his arms as he tore off the remains of my ruined dress, exposing my body. His hand delved deep into me as his fingers carefully searched for what they were looking for. I gasped in pain as he pulled it out. The bullet was now dislodged from my back.

"You can't heal with Innocence in you. Take this as a warning: do NOT mess with Exorcists or the sanctity of what we do. Do not destroy souls, or, mark my words, I will come after you, and I _will_ kill you, this time for good."

He let me go then, and I crumpled to a heap on the ground. I lay there for a long time as the girls rushed to Allen and carried him out of my line of vision. I rose, fully healed physically, and grabbed Lero, who had been discarded earlier in the course of events of that evening.

Recovering my lost sadism, or rather, I should say, pretending to, I spoke my last words to the Exorcists, particularly the one who had beaten me.

"Well, that was more fun than expected. Humans are interesting creatures. I hope we get to play again, Exorcist."

I strutted past the Exorcists with what little dignity I had left, and walked through a door I had produced. I left it open for the Exorcists to leave from, for I had no desire for them to wander through my mind any more than they already had. While the pain and physical harm that they obtained would remain once they left, they had been in my imagination for the entirety of the event.

I was thoroughly confused at what had just happened. I had no clue what to think of the boy who had attempted to murder me, and then turned around to save my life. It had been my original intent to kidnap him and possibly the others, but in the end, I was his hostage, to do with as he pleased. And he freed me.

With that, I shook my head and plotted my ultimate revenge against the Exorcist named Allen Walker.

* * *

Well, okay then... This chapter was quite different than my other ones. I believe the storyline is going to change in the near future from the manga. Thank you for all the comments and your support of my story. It means so much to me. Please continue to comment. I read and reply to every one! Thanks again!


	7. Vignettes

D. Gray-Man is owned by Beast... Or not. I do not own it. Katsura Hoshino owns the rights to D. Gray-Man. Please support the official release. Thank you so much Grell for your amazing, wonderfulness. It means so much to me that you edit every single chapter I come up with and discuss upcoming chapters with me. Thank you again. 3

* * *

Although my wounds had healed, I decided to leave a scar on my back as a reminder of what had recently transpired. I needed something to help me remember why I was so adamant about exacting my revenge on Allen Walker.

I planned and plotted endlessly for months. The Earl was busy, so he didn't seem to notice my excessively foul mood and strained attempts at civility. The other Noah figured I was going through puberty, or something of the sort, though I, in actuality, far surpassed many of their ages.

As much as I tried, or rather did not, I could not get old white-hair out of my head. He overtook many of my thoughts. He kept appearing, night after night; plaguing my dreams with glimpses of his light grey eyes, flashing sadistically as he shot me again and again. The paralyzing pain and the almost-kind touches consistently haunted me. His image was over-taking me and I needed to rid him from my mind for good, even if that meant killing him.

Through all of the trauma and visions, a constant, nagging thought kept entering the back corners of my mind. He seemed so _familiar_. Like I had known him from a long time ago. Like he had meant something to me in the past. Like the warmth of a blanket on a cold day, something about the Walker-child reminded me of something that had once given me comfort. It disturbed me.

I did my best to push those bizarre thoughts from my head so I could continue to scheme and plan to kill the Exorcist. Although I hated the Lena-witch intensely, I knew I could not go through with my plans if I involved her. I knew I needed a way to separate the white-haired wolf from the pack. And I knew just how to do that.

* * *

"Oh, come on Tyki-pon, why not?" I whined like an incessant brat. "Please? I will forever be in your debt." I sat down on his lap and pouted. Oh, how I hated to put myself out there like that, but it was necessary in order to get what I wanted. Just an act, I convinced myself. Just a method to get my way. I was desperately afraid of turning overly cute. I feared that it would make me weak, make me more human.

"Road, this is stupid. What would the Earl say? To place ourselves in that kind of danger is ridiculous, even if what you say is true," he sighed, placing one free hand on his forehead.

"Tyki-pon, you've seen him, you know what I'm talking about is true. Please listen to me." I moved my face closer to his, sliding up on his lap.

"Yes, I have toyed with him in the past. Now that you mention it, I did have a bizarre feeling around him as well. I thought it was merely indigestion," a reminiscing look came about his troubled face.

"Please?" I cuddled up closer to him, trying to bring his paternal instincts, whatever bit he had of them, out. Ah! There it was. The look I was waiting for. Resignation. I had toyed with too many subjects to not know when they will yield to my desires. I was a master manipulator after all.

"Fine." His dislike of the matter at hand was evident in every aspect of his reaction. "We can do it. I don't like working behind the Earl's back, but we can if it means he will be happier later on."

I suppressed the feeling of utter triumph. I knew gloating would only dissuade my Tyki-_pawn_ from continuing to go along with my hair-brained scheme. I celebrated in silence.

* * *

I smiled as I went about planning. I hummed little songs to myself as my plans began to unfold as I played out the scenes in my mind. A trick, a surprise, a theft. This is what went through my head as I gathered the necessary materials.

I wanted Jasdevi to be a part of it as well. Well, not so much a want, but a necessity to be able to use their tricks to distract those who were not part of my plot. David would be easy to reason with, easy to manipulate, but Jasdero, on the other hand, would just be, well _Jasdero_. He was so difficult to talk to, let alone make do complicated tasks. I would just have to make do with it.

* * *

The scene was set. The actions as careful placed as cheese in a mousetrap, and that trap was fully set. All I needed were the mice. I played the scenario once more in my head. Find, separate, corner, trap.

I shivered in anticipation like a cat on the prowl. For once I had prey that fought back, and it thrilled me. I loved the chase, and would not stop until my claws were sunk deep into the mouse, killing it as blood poured from its jugular.

* * *

Hee hee. My story is changing. It makes me happy. :)


	8. Accidental Confession

Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man is owned by Katsura Hoshino. Please support the official release. Dearest Grell, darling, you are an absolutely fantastic person. Thank you so much for all of your hard work and listening to my rants and many internal debates. I cannot possibly thank you enough for your editing skills and putting up with all of my nonsense. :D

* * *

I was utterly alone and restively anxious, which was incongruent with my usual calm demeanor. Absorbed in my thoughts, I failed to notice Tyki approaching me from behind, and when I finally detected his looming shadow, I jumped up and yelped in surprise.

"Dammit, Tyki! Don't scare me like that!" I yelled at my uncle, though I was angrier more at myself than at him for being scared.

"Cool it, Road. I just came to tell you that Jasdevi is preparing what you asked for. Don't get so uptight. I can call this off right now, you know." Tyki looked at me with worn, wary eyes. Something was on his mind that he wasn't telling me. I didn't like that one single bit.

"Oh, Tyki-pon, I'm so sorry," I sputtered. "I'm just… I'm just… I'm just so damn nervous! I think I might like the Exorcist!" Tyki's mouth fell open. I had never once been this honest with him or with myself for that matter. The words had just come out.

To think that I could possibly like that kid, no, that Exorcist, who had nearly killed me. The twisted bastard who almost took everything I had, who held my life in his hands, who gave it back to me. It couldn't be happening! It did not even seem like me, this didn't seem like something I was capable of, and yet it held true to me, from the time of the carriage incident, to the time I killed my father, and to the time I enjoyed the cruel pain of becoming a Noah. I liked hurting; I was thrilled when I could feel something, anything. And the white-haired dog gave me something to feel.

Tyki watched me, aghast, shocked that I could say something of that nature. He stood, staring awkwardly at me as I flushed and turned away. How the hell could I have let myself say that? What had possessed me? Finally he spoke.

"Road, do you really feel that way about him? If so, I really don't know what we can do. What will the Earl do when he finds out? Oh! This isn't good! It's betrayal, wrong, evil, everything that goes against what we stand for! A Noah with an Exorcist! It would be laughable if not so dangerous!"

I was about to retort, to say something to alleviate the embarrassment and recover some of my dignity, but David and Jasdero burst into the room just then.

"Mistress Road, Mistress Road!" they sang. "Everything's ready for your part!"

"We're good Noah! We do what our Mistress tells us!" Jasdero cackled. "Mistress Road is not her! Mistress Road is not her!" He chanted, circling around his twin. "She is a Noah, not an Exorcist-a! Ew! Ew! Ew! Dirty Exorcist!"

Jasdero continued to swirl around until David suddenly hit him on the head. It was rather comical seeing the two of them act so childishly. I would have laughed, had I not been so off balance. Instead, I walked over to them, threw them on the ground, and reprimanded them.

"If you two do not shut up and stop your infantile antics, I will never let you help me again. I will also tell the Earl never to send you two on missions. You will be stuck in a rut, going to school, day after day, and I know how much you two love school."

That did the trick. They both quickly quieted and shuddered at the mere prospect of spending more time in school. They had both flunked out of every school they had ever attended. Being each only one half of a person made them both rather, well, unintelligent, to say the least.

I walked away from them, annoyed, to continue my job. The next step would require concentration on my part. I transformed into the vile Exorcist girl, Lenalee, and grabbed her uniform, which I still had from my previous excursion involving her, off the back of a chair.

"Do I look ditzy enough?" I asked no one in particular, bouncing past my fellow Noah. I felt quite dirty in this form. It did not suit me at all.

"Is everything prepared? I want to make sure the two imbeciles over there did everything correctly," I said to Tyki, who was still somewhat unnerved from my earlier outburst, well, more accurately, confession. As Tyki went off to check, I walked up to Jasdevi.

"Let's do this."

* * *

More excitement to come! It shall be epic... Or not... Or maybe... I really don't know... We shall have to see! xD I hope you enjoyed it! More shall be on its way soon. Well, hopefully...


	9. Shocking Realization

Disclaimer: D. Gray-Man is owned by Katsura Hoshino. Please support the official release. To my darling Grell. Dear, thanks for putting up with my crap and absolute nonsense. You have the ability to make sense of me like quite no one else can. You know exactly what I mean, if you know what I mean... *hint hint, wink wink, nudge nudge, blush* And your edits make my story so much better. Thanks, deary. *heart*

* * *

"Hmmm… What to do with you? Shall I break your Innocence? Jab your eye out again? Stab your heart? Kill you slowly? Any particular preferences?"

I paced back and forth, encircling the Exorcist, who was shooting me quite the death-glare. I laughed, amused by his small act of defiance.

His resolute eyes still gleaned with the same unbroken strength as before. He was as determined to wait me out as I was him. I knew I needed to kill him eventually, but I was hell-bent on enjoying every minute of it.

"How about I go and kill your little Exorcist friends?" I purred softly. "I know I could break them much easier than you, my dear. Your dainty Lenalee doesn't seem to be that tough, now does she?" Oh, how fun it would be to torture that fragile flower.

That statement seemed to grab his attention.

"If you touch her, I swear to God you won't live till tomorrow."

"Ah, so that's what you're so afraid of! That I'll harm your precious little _girlfriend_." I spat out the last word, bitterly.

"She's not my girlfriend-!" he shot, before he could stop himself. Although it was hard for me to admit, I breathed an internal sigh of relief. He wasn't _too_ tied to that witch.

"So then you're still perfect little Allen Walker, doing his very best to protect the pathetic people he calls his friends. I knew I could get you with that trick. I knew that girl was your weakness!"

I was getting angrier and angrier by the second, although I could not figure out why. I should have felt more relief at this revelation, but the thought gave me no comfort.

And that's when I realized it. I had totally and completely fallen in love with the Exorcist. He held my heart over my head. He controlled me. I had lost my power over him _to_ him. He had made me into the very thing I tried so hard to eradicate. He made me human.

And I could never have him. He would always be too good for me, solely due to the fact that we were Exorcist and Noah, respectively. He would always fight to protect, while I would always fight to destroy. The very thought crushed me, threatened to knock me down, but I knew I could not let him see this. Remaining externally my ever-sadistic self, I spoke.

"Let's see just what goes on in that head of yours."

* * *

This is indeed a short chapter, but there should be more to come soon... Hopefully... Thank you all for reading, reviewing, and favoriting. I love you all so much! :D *heart*


	10. Memory River

D. Gray-Man belongs to Katsura Hoshino. Please support the official release. Thank you so much for editing and being my wonderful editor, Grell. It means so much to me that you would do this for me. I love you so much! *heart*

Thank you also to Diavo for making me get my butt in gear and actually write a chapter. You are successfully the first person ever to make me actually finish what I wanted to. Thanks for that. :D

* * *

Allen did not scream as our consciousnesses collided, though he had every right to. After all, I was invading his private, innermost thoughts. He did everything he could to keep me out of his mind, but his attempts remained futile as my imagination overtook him. Within the blink of an eye, I found myself wandering through his mind as his thoughts and memories drifted by in a slowly swirling tangle of unsorted emotions.

Within the stream-like current, I saw disjointed images of a brown-haired youth, whom, upon closer inspection, was revealed to be none other than the Exorcist-boy himself. The images I glimpsed from these times gone by all seemed fixed upon a single figure in the boy's life: a man, a clown. Something about him drew my attention, and soon I realized I was gazing upon a face not at all dissimilar from that of my own Earl. Intrigued, I immersed myself deeper into those memories, and listened to the soft, ethereal voice emanating from within.

_ It's cold out. I don't want to be here... my only friend is dead… Isn't it funny to be friends with only a dog? But at least it's something... He was always so sweet to me, even though I'm just a servant for the circus. He didn't judge me, and I think he loved me, too. Poor Allen. I wish we could have lived together in this place for just a little longer than we did…_

_ Someone's coming! Who is it? Oh, just another clown. I _hate _clowns. They are so big and stupid and can't take anything seriously. What is he doing? He's taking Allen away from me! How could he be so mean?_

_ Oh, he's burying him. Maybe I shouldn't have tried to hurt him... Didn't he say his name's Mana? Maybe he's not so bad, even though he won't cry over my only friend._

I jolted out of the memory, surprised. So _that's_ who Mana Walker was! I heard whispers of his name come from other Noah's lips, but I never was included in their private discussions. No, not me. Certainly not delicate, dainty, little Road. Oh yes, she mustn't _ever _know. I guess I had become too good at fooling people with my gentle side. I needed to let go.

There was no time to dwell on my own interpersonal relations, however, for I had been hooked by that first memory and needed some more. Curiosity raging, I looked into another memory.

"_Allen. That's what I'll call you."_

"_The dog's name?" I asked, wondering just what the heck Mana was going on about._

"_Do you like your name better, Red? I don't think it's a proper name for a boy. It just won't do. You liked that dog. I liked that dog. So your name is Allen."_

"_Allen. All-en. Al-len. Don't call me Red anymore, Mana."_

I couldn't believe Allen Walker had been called _Red_. It didn't fit him whatsoever. Nothing about him said "red". Not his hair, not his face, not even his demeanor. I could understand why Mana had insisted upon calling him something else. It amused me to think he had named him after a dead dog, though.

My appetite for his memories had only just been whetted, but as I tried to transition into another memory I was met with nothing but solid resistance. Although I couldn't see anything blocking me, I simply could not gain any access into that particular memory. I pushed, I prodded, I tried everything I could to sneak past the defenses, but they were too strong for me. Again, I was met with a feeling of familiarity: what I had once described as hunger and what Tyki had described as indigestion. I beat on the barrier, trying to break the odd sensations I was experiencing, but I instead fell back and collided with another one of Allen's memories.

_Mana… Mana… How could you? How could you abandon me? How dare you leave me alone?! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!_

_I feel so… empty…_

_I want you back…_

_I _need _you back…_

_Please come back…_

"… _Do you want your father back?"_

…

"_Are you willing to pay the price?"_

…

"_Just say his name and he will be yours once again."_

"_MANA!"_

Something grabbed my shoulder and I was yanked out of the memory. I flew to a corner of Allen's mind, just past the area where his memories flowed. I landed with a loud *thunk* and just sat there. I did not have time to react, nor did I have any motivation to do so, for my mind was completely obsessed with the memory it had just witnessed.

"Is that what you wanted to see?! Is that what you wanted to know?! You came here to pick through my memories and dig up my secrets, so here you go! Is this what you wanted?!"

Allen furiously grabbed my arm and shoved back into the memory I had just been pulled from.

_Mana! Mana! You came back for me!_

"_How dare you?! How dare you turn me into an Akuma?!"_

_What? What is going on? Akuma? No. No! NO! It can't be! Mana couldn't have been turned into an Akuma!_

"_I curse you, Allen Walker!"_

_What is my arm doing? Why is it moving? It's never moved before! Wait! Stop! Don't hurt him!_

"_Destroy me, Allen. Destroy me!"_

_NOOOOOOOOO! MANA!_

Again I was violently pulled from the memory. Allen pinned me down, holding my arms and sitting on my legs so I couldn't move.

"See what your precious Earl does? Do you like it? Do you approve? Do you enjoy seeing him rip apart the innocence of young, hopeless children and turning them into Akuma? Do you enjoy seeing a father kill his son or a son kill his father? Do you, Road? DO YOU?!"

I was too stunned to say anything. For once in my lifetime, I could think of nothing to say to get me out of this situation. I felt sick.

"I-I-I…" I stuttered, not being able to form a coherent thought, let alone an intelligible sentence. I could feel water leak out of my eyes from tears I never felt forming. Was I crying? How could I be crying over _this_? Allen sighed and loosened his grip on me.

"I know you can never see what you are. I know you see us Exorcists as the devils and you as the saviors. But how could you be a savior when all you do is attack and hurt innocent people? How can that better the human race?"

Allen slid off of me, releasing me completely from his grasp. He sat down beside me, not saying anything as I remained equally silent beside him. I was overwhelmed, shocked, and confused. I didn't know what to think, and I could scarcely even remember _how_ to think.

We sat there for a while, completely quiet amongst the rolling river of memories. We watched each memory float away, catching only a glimpse of each before it drifted off to another segment of Allen's mind. Finally, I spoke.

"Please show me more of your mind."

* * *

Finally after 9 months we have a chapter! I hope you enjoyed it! Please continue to write your wonderful reviews! I read and respond to every single one of them! I love you guys! :3


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